A Collection of Skulduggery: A Kevin Garnett Retrospective

by Jeeves

Over the weekend, Kevin Garnett did what Kevin Garnett does best, something dirty and tiresome. Perhaps it’s the advent of Youtube or perhaps it’s the rules allowing for less and less contact, but KG just continually rubs me the wrong way now. I used to get angry and up and arms when KG pulled some nonsense, but now, I just shrug and sigh. His actions, though, this weekend (click after the jump) did send me down a Kevin Garnett cheap-shot rabbit hole, so I thought I’d share that journey with you!

So on Saturday, JJ Barea grabbed Garnett across the arm as Garnett went in for the fast-break layup. There was absolutely nothing malicious about the foul, he simply held him so he couldn’t lay the ball in. KG didn’t stumble or fall, he landed softly as though Barea wasn’t even there. Naturally, Garnett’s reaction was to push him out of the way and then, to top things off, decided to bat away the referee’s who was helping guide him away from a potential scuffle. Check the tape to see what I’m talking about.

The reason this incident is a bit more noteworthy than normal is because, well,

Gif courtesy of Tremendous Upside Potential via MockSession

Perhaps the next most (in)famous KG incident is when he got on his hands and knees and barked like a dog at Jerryd Bayless. Check out the slow motion replay at 19 seconds.

This actually reminds me of another reason why I’m tired of KG’s shtick. It seems fairly widespread across the Internet that he only tries to intimidate players that are smaller than him or weaker than him. I say intimidate because there are instances where he goes after big guys, eg Dwight Howard, but those are typically physical clashes rather than bizarre attempts at intimidation.

Another bizarre intimidation attempt which again was directed at a smaller player can be seen in the following clip. Here he decides to clap in Jose Calderon’s face, because when I think of intimidation I always think about sarcastic clapping. Pick up this video at about12 seconds.

KG doesn’t even need to play to try and throw in some intimidation. Here he juts his chin out at the Bulls from the safety of his own bench. Oh, and he throws in some F-bombs for good measure.

To be honest I think this next clip is the quintessential Kevin Garnett. At the beginning of the video Paul Pierce goes down with some phantom injury (insert wheelchair joke). As play stops Quentin Richardson walks over seemingly to see what’s up. He doesn’t appear to be trash talking, though there’s no audio, and he certainly isn’t walking over aggressively. Garnett takes it upon himself to nudge Q and then throw a hard elbow in his face. If you start at 24s you can clearly see the elbow by KG. It’s a hard elbow that catches Q flush in the face. It actually dazes Q just long enough for KG to make his dramatic escape from the situation. As soon as he connects he scamper away.

That brings me to another KG trademark. When he wants to start something rather than stick around for the repercussions, he either runs for it or conveniently allows people to get between him and the person he instigated. Start the next video at 3:42. Here Garnett gets made so he throws a tantrum and throws the ball at Antonio McDyess. I think it then hits KG that McDyess will in fact kill him, so he backpedals away.

Generally speaking a person will have a fight or flight response. It seems that KG’s natural response is to do both, in that order. Starting at 2:01 in that same video, KG manages to stifle the flight response as Zaza Pachulia bears down on him after the cheap shot. He does, however, allow himself to get pushed extraordinarily far away while his teammates sort out the ensuing chaos. Some will say it was smart that KG didn’t enter the fracas, but for the sake of my narrative I’ll use it to point out that once again, he started something and then conveniently got out of the way.

If you look at that same video, for the last time, beginning at about 3:13 we get to see something entertaining. Matt Bonner fouls the hell out KG. As Bonner pulls a KG and walks away, who do you suppose steps up to him? Everybody other than KG. A few seconds later, KG comes into the picture well past the point where anything would happen. He, in essence, saves face by running into the picture at a point where the refs are already separating everyone.

Another KG trademark is to check the crap out of someone on a screen. He doesn’t just hold his ground, no, he lowers his shoulder and puts his weight into it. You would think he has hockey aspirations considering the frequency with which this happens. Beginning at the 4 second point of this video, watch the top of the key. KG decides to take out the smaller Marco Belinelli. It works out well for the Celtics as it springs Eddie House for a 3 (oh, sorry, spoiler alert!), but then Kevin ups the ante. At a break in the action at around 30 seconds, KG starts jawing at Belinelli, because well, Marco had the audacity to run into his lowered shoulder; imagine the nerve!

That incident was actually preceded by this clip. Check in at 18 seconds for the zoomed in replay. Audacious Marco runs into KG’s shoulder yet again!

I suppose Zaza is his second favorite target. Here he is decking Pachulia again, this time on a pick. Click in at 39 seconds to watch KG plant and then lower the boom. Please ignore Mark Jackson; he’s an idiot. He thought Channing Frye getting hit in the dong was “a clean play.” I’d actually love for Mark Jackson to get blindsided by a “clean-play” pick set by KG, just to see what his reaction would be,

When Kevin isn’t lowering his shoulder, he’s slapping. He’s good at it and has compiled quite the slapping resume. It’s disgustingly manly. Watch him smack Tim Duncan from behind.

Here he slaps Andrew Bogut. I think what he’s trying to do there is show the ref’s exactly where he hit Bogut. I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but that seems plausible.

He doesn’t only slap people. Sometimes when calls don’t go his way, he slaps the ball…out of other people’s hands. He is sweet about things at least. Afterwards, he tries to make things up to Amare at the 35 second mark by holding his hand.

I think this one is a bit underplayed. I mean, he straight up punches Dwight Howard in the arm. Sure, maybe, he’s trying to see if he really is a man of steel, but he should probably wait til after the game to check it out. Also, please ignore the guy talking at the beginning. The 33 second mark has the best replay of it.

KG apparently didn’t get a definitive answer as he had to check out Dwight’s arm again.

No pretext on this one. KG elbows Aldridge so he smacks him back. The end.

The video that is caught in this GIF has seemingly been scrubbed off the Internet. It was the one time KG tried to throw down and well, though the GIF doesn’t show it, he ends up on the ground. Perhaps that’s why he runs away with such gusto these days.

So the moral of the story is if you ever see KG doing this in your direction:

odds are you’ll be safe from harm.


One Comment to “A Collection of Skulduggery: A Kevin Garnett Retrospective”

  1. awesome, awesome post. KG is such a psychopath

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: